I didn't talk to him much today. The sex incident that wasn't supposed to happen, did. You know, he has a lot he's doing with work and stuff. I wanted him badly and he didn't say no. I could tell he was "off", but he didn't say no to me. I could tell there was guilt involved. And that made me feel bad. Because I want him to want me. I want him to love me, ok? What's wrong with that? But I want him to want me. I feel strange around him. Like we're not supposed to be like we are, but feeling whole anyway. And the feeling doesn't seem to be reciprocated. I forget where I am when I'm with him. I forget who the hell I am. I have my hands touching both sides of his face, kissing him and forgetting where we are. He doesn't even get all my clothes off before he pushes in. And my body wakes up. And my pussy swells around him. I can feel it all day long. Even the day after I can feel it. I like feeling the head of his cock. His is the only one that has ever touched that spot that is supposedly myth but some swear it isn't and I swear that it isn't. Bugs the shit out of me. Why I allowed him to get to me pisses me off. You know how fun it is in the beginning. And then it's more fun. But now I feel not just fun, but like I'm in way more than I should be. So there it is. It's early in the morning, ok? I can sound like this, who the fuck cares.
I am pretty much a sexual girl. I always have been. My second date at age 15. I was not at all hesitant to get undressed with the first boyfriend. Funny how a very shy girl like me was very ok and guiltless about getting undressed and doing just about anything. Except sex. The boyfriends during highschool, we just didn't do it. I think first boyfriend had sex with this other chick before/after he dumped me. But the other guys and I just didn't want to risk the pregnancy thing.
So where was I? Oh yeah, so shy little me, but sexual. I have body problems. Mostly because I think I suck in the mirror. Not as bad as I used to. But I love sex. I think about sex. With him. A lot. I have a somewhat liberal attitude when it comes to that. I suppose. A threesome would be fun, but now I think I'd get jealous. I dunno. I'd probably be half fainting with sex craziness and half jealous bitch. Probably more jealous bitch. And I'd pester the poor guy to death about "was she better?" and "you liked her better, didn't you" and all that girly shit. So it's better for him. Spare him. He can do that threesome with other people. Just at this point, I couldn't handle it.
So I still feel him. It's gotta be the way his cock is shaped. And I just want to scream when he slides it in. And I don't. But fuck, I want to scream. I want him to hold me tight, hold my head tight to his chest while he pounds his cock deep into me. I want to hear him breathing and moaning when he's doing me.
And he smiles when I ask him to fuck me from behind. What's that about?