Prosti's Mind Stuff

journal

contact

credits

links

extra


-

2004-03-28 at 12:11 a.m.

I didn't get the job. 6 months of hanging out there. Get an interview in Oct. Hear something 2 months later. Go in another time. Hear something a month later...and so on. Then the psych test. I know I'm not mental, but I know I didn't do well talking with the shrink. I just didn't like him and got the feeling likewise. Like he thought I was trying to be too good. I dunno, hard to explain.

So I'm pretty much crying and hyperventilating. I called him when I opened the letter. I knew as soon as I saw the letter what it was. I called, starting crying. He said "oh no". Battery went dead. I get the kids and I inside and am lying on the bed crying pretty hard. He called when I plugged the phone in. I decided to answer, trying to say hello and he's telling me to calm down. He's very good at getting me to calm down. He's also very good at talking to me about it.

I don't know why I reacted in such a way. The crying bit. I know it was the first job I had jumped through that many hoops for. The interview process. Also the first interview I'd been in ...in 4 years. I've been out of work for 2. Just me hanging out there. Putting myself out there. It sucked. I'm sure there's a reason for everything, but that sucked. I feel like a huge loser, like why did I fuck up yet again? Truly feel bad inside. What the fuck will I ever accomplish in life? I do jack shit as it is. And this stupid illness.

So anyway, I've got a plan. Going to work part time and try to save money. While waiting around to hear for this job, I did hunt around for massage schools. Bri*an Ut*ting is the best one around here. Probably one of the best period.

I read somewhere that if you're not at all sure what you want to do in life, listen to the people around you. If you give people massages and they tell you you're great at it and shit, maybe think about that. If you cook and people constantly tell you how you should sell your recipes, think about it. Think about what you're good at.

I've thought about being a massage therapist since I was 20 and had my first massage on a Saturday. I was getting married (1st time) and my head wouldn't turn because I was stressed out. She was amazing at what she could do. I've thought about it on and off. I went to Bri*an Ut*ting and loved it. Was so excited about the prospect of doing it, but then we moved and the money to do the first class was out. But if I at least work part time, I can save money and maybe that's what I'll have to do. Work part time and go to school.

I'm still so sad that I didnt' get the job.

last entry | next entry

2 comment(s)